7 months! + my bunnies

Off by a day! But yesterday marked 7 months since my surgery. Haven't had any serious changes, my hair is stabled falls off just a tiny bit. Although im sick with some kind of allergy or the flu. The weather is kind of crazy fogy and breezy in the morning and hot and sunny by noon. So it could also be the weather. Well i've been busier lately i'm really experimenting with my nail products because i plan to make a career off of it. I've also been reading, i was able to read 'Water for Elephants' by Sara Gruen it was so good i really liked it, actually made me want to go to the circus. I plan on watching the movie soon since its already out in theaters and the trailer looks very good.

Anyways last week i went to the LA Book Festival that was held in the USC campus and i really enjoyed myself. But there was a particular booth that really held my interest, it was about the book 'The Jester has lost his Jingle' by David Saltzman. They were selling the book as well as the cute Jester and it was all for a very good cause. First of all the author David past away from Hodgkin's disease. Now there's and organization that helps children with Cancer. So when you buy a book another book gets sent to a children with Cancer to keep them company when they have to go through those horrible chemo therapies. I believe the lady who told us all about it was related to David. She said that when children are going through their chemo, they tell them to hold on tight to the Jester Doll so the jingles won't sound. Wow i can't even imagine seeing a child go through that. I would like to someday volunteer at a children's hospital, to make their days a little brighter.

Well it was all very fun my little sister Brigitte really enjoyed herself.

We just got two new pets, they are bunnies. Completely adorable and very mischievous they hop around everywhere and chew on wires, but they also lick me when i pet them. I never thought bunnies would listen as much as mine do. Keep giving them fresh vegetables and let them go around the house (of course the dogs are put away) But i'm having so much fun with them.

Well im really happy im still feeling good. Here are some pictures of my bunnies Enjoy!

 xoxo
-Karla-

I Need my insurance + 5 months since my surgery!

5 months and counting, Wow unbelievable we are in April, the months and they days have gone by so fast. It is now 5 months since my surgery. I can say that i'm feeling really great. Depression and my anxiety attacks haven't been back for a while now. My chest still hurts and i've been putting off my cardiologist appointment. But as soon as i can i will check it out. My thyroid medication is still working out really great although my hair continues to get thinner by the day. My pillow is always full of hair that just falls on its own and when i shower i can really notice how much hair i'm loosing, I can't do anything about it, but its fine for now as long as i'm feeling better.

Now what i have are tons of bills piling up. I'm very disappointed at the kind of system we have here in America. So let me tell you in December when i turned 24 i outgrew out of my dad's insurance but in June i go back to his insurance all thanks to the new Obama law. But in the meantime i have bills to pay now, in order to do that, their is a government program called Cobra which you pay them and they pay your bills that your insurance couldn't cover. Well i'm not working right now and i def don't have $2,000 laying around to pay my bills. So i went to apply for medical here is where my story begins. So i thought it would be a good thing to apply to medical seeing that right now i don't have a job and im still recovering from my Cancer.
and what the heck i really thought they would give it to me.

Boy was i wrong. I wasted 4 hours of my life in that filthy place, filled with pregnant women, small children and a whole lot of bitches (some of those people who work there are so mean) So i filled the application the very first thing the the lady asked me was: 'ARE YOU PREGNANT' um NO should i be (yes i should be)
 anyways i waited and waited and waited until finally my number came up i seriously waited to be called for 4 hours and once they called me the lady took about 2 minutes to inform me that there's no way in hell i can get medical because i don't fall under any of the 4 main things which are 1.Be over 65  2. If under 65, must have a child under 18, 3. Be disabled or my favorite one 4. Be Pregnant. really??????

So i think that program sucks-ass badly its very unfortunate that i can't take part in it because i need it i don't have money to pay for my bills. How does everyone else who doesn't have insurance or fall under those regulations deal with it? Also does the government even control who their giving these aids too? No they don't which brings me to my next story.

My uncle went through a roller coaster of horrible disasters because he got with the worst piece of trash ever, he had a child with her and now the child is 10 and my family and I have always been the one caring for the child because the piece of trash decided to abandon him several times. Anyways that story is supper long and extremely annoying but my point is that this piece of trash has a new born son again (isn't that nice) with some other fool who fell into her crap. She already had a daughter from her previous relationship (before my uncle) well from close sources my uncle has found out that this magnificent piece of shit is living life to the fullest shes on welfare, medical and every single government program out there. She's making bank with those two kids of hers plus she has some illegal girl who also has a baby so im sure she's getting money from that child. also she just bought herself a brand new car. WOW isn't that wonderful. Here we are still with her child that she abandon not receiving a single dime from the government. So that makes me mad because like her there are tons of people out there living like that no wonder people won't stop having kids, they know they have it made.

It's very very sad, that a student with Cancer like myself can't seem to find a single job or get some kind of help from the government but yet people who are just taking up space in this world live a some what good life.

I'm eternally grateful that until now i didn't have a need to apply to medical but i really feel for everyone else out there who doesn't have insurance and can't get medical. Illnesses come at any age so the regulations that program has are very stupid. I sound like Michael Moore but home boy is totally right!

Don't worry America I won't be getting pregnant any time soon and making you pay for my child!



thanks for reading my rant and have a good day, and even if you don't have insurance and you don't
feel well find yourself some help. Before it's too late.

-Karla-

It finally worked!

Oh I've abandon my dear blog! Well im back, i've been preoccupied updating my nail design blog and enjoying myself. But i have been meaning to post that it is officially my 4th month and 6th day since my surgery. I am very happy to report that im feeling fantastic. I feel like a new me, i feel so good. The last time i saw my Endocrinologists even he was happy to hear that i had felt much better ran some blood work and finally my new dosage is the one that works for my thyroid levels are where they should be.

Since then i have been able to be myself just like I was or even better since all this happen. I'm very happy with myself and im making big improvements not only with my health but also with my life. I feel like this is a 2nd chance to do everything i haven't done and to do everything i need to the right way. 

I still need to go to my cardiologist for my heart palpitations (im not getting them too frequently but there still there from time to time) But can't complain im supper happy with how i feel.

Can't say it enough but thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for me wished me luck in any form.
I'm extremely grateful. So bless you for all your kind words to my speedy recovery.

Onto a completely different subject. I would like to say that it has been a very sad day and my prayers go out to Japan for the horrible Earthquake and Tsunami they have been hit with. I can't even begin to imagine what it has been like. Just viewing and hearing about it scares me so much. I hope everyone who is trying to communicate with their loved one's over there can find them and know they are safe.

Again thank you so much and many blessings to you out there.

xoxo -Karla-

3 months and counting!

I'm off by two days but on February 5th it was my 3rd month since my surgery. I'm glad to say that i have been feeling a lot better i get tired and weak but either i've learned to deal with it or its not bothering me too much. It's been about two weeks since I started the higher dosage of my thyroid replacement so far it's going find. Although for this one i have to take it on and empty stomach and four hours apart from my calcium so the tricky part has been adjusting to my new pill time. My heart is still giving me palpitations and occasionally chest pain i've been dealing with those too, I mostly ignore them i haven't been able to do the stress test with the cardiologist because my endocrinologist wants to make sure my thyroid levels are where they should be before i do it.

Haven't been able to kick my bad habits aside. My bedtime is supper late and I have a serious addiction with all the 'Desperate Housewives' seasons. My eating habits have also been falling apart and i'm craving sweets like crazy. I haven't given into temptation that much but I want go back on track. I haven't gained any weight (which everyone always asks) But hopefully when my thyroid levels are where they are suppose to be i can find ways to exercise. Luckily the weather has been inspiring me to brisk walk its so lovely, with pleasant winds and sunny skies

Anyways i'm really happy that 3months have gone by they have felt incredibly long but i'm still here. Well in the mean time I finally did a blog for my nail designs. I felt it was time they got their own spotlight away from my illness. I'm planing on pursuing this hobby of mine to the max.

Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to check out my nail design blog

http://karlasnaildesign19.blogspot.com/


xoxo
-Karla

What am I searching for?

         I've been away for a while in search of support groups and motivation, because my stress level has been up again. I have felt very weak and with lots of pain. But more than the physical pain accepting myself has been the hardest. I sometimes wake up feeling cheerful and happy but other days im just down my mood changes here and there and it annoys me. My thyroid levels aren't still where they should be. In fact i will begin a higher dosage of thyroid medication on Wednesday. So have to wait 4 more weeks to see if my thyroid levels are where they should be.

I've also cached the flu it was a given since almost everyone in my family had it. So why would i be the exception when in fact im prone to getting sick lol. But i've been hanging on, the flu hasn't been to difficult on me. Warm calm tea has helped me tremendously. My headaches have come back! Not to severe but i can definitely tell they are present. I'm thinking my calcium levels are low because my fingers and toes have been hurting me a bit. My heart palpitations have been away for a while but i managed to see a cardiologist today.

I told him everything i have been experiencing from the low reading of the EKG to the heart palpitations, chest and left arm pain. He took an ultra-sound of my heart and said that it was normal. He will be running some other test next week to see where my heart stands. If all results come out good (which i pray they do) then its likely that i have a cartilage inflammation and my heart palpitation could be due to an imbalance of hormones.

Hopefully i will get all the answers so i can feel better about myself. I have been very scared and i hate feeling like this. I want to feel young again believe it or not i feel ancient having to go to a different specialist is just plain annoying. I want to feel alive and happy. I have felt some what a lone these days. I have been searching to talk to someone about how i feel. I don't want to tell everything i have bottled up to my mother i just hate making her sad with my things. So far i have found some really good support groups online and have even found others who have gone through what i'm going through. But i'm still seeking for the right way to heal myself properly.

Sometimes i don't speak up about my feelings but that's even worse. When i begin to explain my situation to others i can't seem to keep the tears away; and that is how i know that i need to release all this tension and everything i feel.

When i had my saliva gland dilated i met nurse Gwen and she made me feel so good because she herself had gone through my cancer. She told me how she had felt how hard it was on her and gave me some good advice. I really liked her words of encouragement i finally felt like someone truly understood. her words keep lingering in my mind. She said 'Sweetie find something that makes u feel human again' and right there and then i knew i had to find something to make me feel human because since all this started i haven't felt human. I don't know nor can explain how i've felt, and still feel. A lot of my family members excluding my direct family call to ask about be but they keep giving un-wanted advice as to how i should be feeling, eating and even give their in-put as to what medicines i should be taking and some of them have even taken it upon themselves to guide me into a certain religion.

I thank them for caring but i don't feel like any one understands my condition. It's not about the Cancer my cancer is under control i'm very grateful that it didn't spread and that so far there is no future scheduling for another radiation. But the consequences that my thyroidectomy has left are countless. My body is no longer the same i lost a vital organ. I don't think people understand the meaning of that. I don't expect them too but i want to be able to accept myself. My nail design still gives me comfort but im still in search of that the happiness that i lost a long time ago.

Feel like sharing this song. 'Secrets' by One Republic
I definitely need to start sharing my secrets as well.

Thanks for stopping by
xoxo
-Karla

Beyond Tired!

 I'm back, i've been out for a few days because i had a procedure done this past Monday. My surgeon Dr. Kerner had to perform yet another dilation sub-mandibular gland duct on my right side. Because due to my radiation it swelled up again. It's still a bit swollen under my tongue but i can now speak, and eat normally. Going into the procedure was very traumatizing flash backs of Nov. 5th kept coming through my head. But everyone was so nice. I just hope i don't have to have this done again.

I've been very tired, depressed and fearing for my life like crazy. Sleeping at night has been so hard. I've had horrible heart palpitations, panic attacks and just been so annoyed. That is why i decided to go see my regular doctor today. My blood pressure is a little big up but nothing that drastic.  She did an EKG (Electrocardiogram) and it came back that my heart is really slow. I don't know what that means but i know its not normal. So im being referred to a cardiologist can't wait to hear what he has to say.

This is just worrying me way to much. I can't stand the fact that all i keep getting is bad news. I'm trying to be as positive as i can be, but it just gets way to hard. I'm about to loose it. Really hope i can do something about all this. 

Well here's a picture of my mouth after the procedure he did, its lumpy and it still had some blood with pus coming out (i know disgusting) but I must say Doctor Kerner is wonderful at what he does.

2 month's and counting!

I can't believe how fast time has gone by since my surgery, it has now been 2 whole months.

Happy New Year, I've been really sick since my last blog entry. I spent my New year's eve and day in bed resting. I was in complete pain the whole day of new years eve. My left arm and chest were giving me such horrible pain which i now figure was just muscular but at the time it felt like something else was seriously wrong. I almost went to the ER because the pain was just unbearable i cried so much, it was disappointing that while everyone else was welcoming the new year i was crying over the pain that i had. My head was also bothering me quite a lot. But now I'm beginning to think i should blame it all on my last body scan.

After all laying almost for an entire hour on that uncomfortable table to be scan really took a toll on my upper body, neck and head which were the main parts that i had pain in. I also blame the weather, the last time prior to new years eve i had gone out and the temperature was just extremely low. So i must of cached something that really did a number on my joints. But I'm much better today, i managed to get some sun yesterday when i went to the Library. The weather is still really cold, windy and completely crazy. I can't remember having this kind of winter here in California. I just hope it doesn't rain again.

So last week i began my thyroid medication I've been put on levothyroxine 100MCG which is the generic one to Synthroid. I thought the medication was to blame for my weakness but i spoke to my doctor and he said that that's just the lack of thyroid that is making me weak, because the medication won't start working 3-4 weeks from now. So that's comforting to hear lol. Well i still have the pain in my joints like my wrist, knees, elbows and fingers hurt upon waking up and i have this sort of tingling feeling all over my joints. I hate having craving for sweet things. So I'm finding fruits and foods that will satisfy my cravings of candy, cookies and chocolate. I really am trying to eat much healthier i don't eat to much because i rather sleep than eat but when its time to eat, I'm trying to eat as healthy as i can. I want to ask if i can finally get rid of my high blood pressure medication. Because i do feel i was diagnosed incorrectly and that i got high blood pressure upon my cancer developing or as symptoms of it. I do want to start working out but this weather is preventing me from going out. And as a set goal not a resolution i need to learn to fall asleep early my bedtime has become 1-3 in the morning. I have tried but insomnia has got a solid grip on me.

Tomorrow i have an appointment to see Dr. Kerner my surgeon, which i guess its just as procedure to check on the incision. Looks about the same as the last picture i took of it, looks a bit red and it has been giving me some pain. But other than that i believe its fine. I have also made an appointment for next week for a physical i want to check on my heart since i get horrible palpitations that annoy me so much. Also just to be on the safe side that my heart is healthy after everything I've put it on. In 4 weeks ill be visiting my metabolism doctor i guess he will check my calcium levels and blood work. In the meantime i plan to continue resting. But i do want to find out if i can start taking vitamins or supplements to help me with my energy level. I keep asking doctors but they don't seem to like the idea of taking vitamins. But i really think i need to take some iron and stuff like that. So i will keep investigating and searching on my own.

Aside all my issues i didn't give up on my nail designs i tried and tried until i was finally able to do what i wanted to do.

Here is the finish product. In the meantime i won't be doing any hand made characters on my nails because that hurts my neck and back to much but i will try to continue with my love for nail designs. I'm also trying to do some handmade projects. So hopefully i get the energy i need to do them.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful beginning to their new year.
thanks for stopping by.

xoxo
-Karla