3:18 am yet another sleep less night, tossing and turning once again there's no way i can sleep. Not one bit i'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown im feeling scared, anxious, annoyed so extremely sad. I don't comprehend what goes on in my body anymore. Had a regular day tried to eat as healthy as i could even went for a long nice walk smelled and felt the wonderful breeze of green plants and trees.
I don't get it one bit and it drives me crazy how can i not think about my health when i don't feel normal, i try to lay down and the very second i do i hear my heart pounding under my breast on my fingers i mean its just driving me crazy, i feel like im insane. I don't know if its my mind or if its my body i can no longer differentiate what is going on. It's just so difficult and i feel like i can't take it! no matter how hard i try this is just way bigger than me.
I feel trapped right now i feel like i have to put on a brave face till July 1st when hopefully (fingers crossed) i will be able to have my new insurance. So this is just such a difficult task i've been tempted to go wake up my mom so she can keep me company. I swear im desperately searching for companion i dislike being a lone its just like before all over again. I don't feel safe in my room anymore i no longer have that wonderful feeling of going to bed, relaxing and enjoying the feeling of being alone. I guess im going through depression again i really seriously am very concern for my well being.
Believe me i try my hardest, but i've been noticing that the things that i was doing before like painting my nails and that sort of think no longer help me. I try to read, watch tv, draw, write etc......... and its just not helping one bit.
I forget things so quickly im seriously worse than a gold fish or even like Dory (from Nemo) i guess maybe my thyroid levels could be down again. Or my hormones are playing games on me. I have that weird feeling like twitches in different parts of my body which is probably my calcium levels. I just feel like i need to vent and have a good cry to let out how im feeling. Seriously as soon as i have my insurance i will seek a psychologist i feel like i need therapy to help me out with my emotions and just everything that is going on.
Feels like my digestive system is having some kind of issue as well. My stomach hurts here and there and i just have the need to vomit (which i didn't today) but still its just so annoying.
I need to find a solution i don't think i can take these restless nights anymore i need my sleep. Seriously pray for me im scared i don't know what to do anymore.
Confused and very annoyed!
-Karla-
I don't get it one bit and it drives me crazy how can i not think about my health when i don't feel normal, i try to lay down and the very second i do i hear my heart pounding under my breast on my fingers i mean its just driving me crazy, i feel like im insane. I don't know if its my mind or if its my body i can no longer differentiate what is going on. It's just so difficult and i feel like i can't take it! no matter how hard i try this is just way bigger than me.
I feel trapped right now i feel like i have to put on a brave face till July 1st when hopefully (fingers crossed) i will be able to have my new insurance. So this is just such a difficult task i've been tempted to go wake up my mom so she can keep me company. I swear im desperately searching for companion i dislike being a lone its just like before all over again. I don't feel safe in my room anymore i no longer have that wonderful feeling of going to bed, relaxing and enjoying the feeling of being alone. I guess im going through depression again i really seriously am very concern for my well being.
Believe me i try my hardest, but i've been noticing that the things that i was doing before like painting my nails and that sort of think no longer help me. I try to read, watch tv, draw, write etc......... and its just not helping one bit.
I forget things so quickly im seriously worse than a gold fish or even like Dory (from Nemo) i guess maybe my thyroid levels could be down again. Or my hormones are playing games on me. I have that weird feeling like twitches in different parts of my body which is probably my calcium levels. I just feel like i need to vent and have a good cry to let out how im feeling. Seriously as soon as i have my insurance i will seek a psychologist i feel like i need therapy to help me out with my emotions and just everything that is going on.
Feels like my digestive system is having some kind of issue as well. My stomach hurts here and there and i just have the need to vomit (which i didn't today) but still its just so annoying.
I need to find a solution i don't think i can take these restless nights anymore i need my sleep. Seriously pray for me im scared i don't know what to do anymore.
Confused and very annoyed!
-Karla-
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