"No one truly knows happiness who has not suffered." Henri Frederic AmielI have had two complete days in which i have felt some what like myself minus the mild headache.
The days have been so tough for me i keep trying and trying as soon as i wake up i tell myself "this is the day i will do everything i need to do, but then i remember it's time to take the daily hbp pill and it annoys me so much.
This feeling of anguish and complete discomfort towards my pill has just arisen because after taking it, it has given me horrible depression. I had never really known what depression was (at least not like this) until now.
I get a horrible feeling all around me i fear for my life, i want to shout, scream and cry for no apparent reason.
Just the other day my dad told me to screw on a cable differently from how i was doing it, and a normal 23 year old would just do it and go on with life, but how did i react? i just left it there for him to do it and started crying over nothing and i just don't get it. I know I'm some what emotional and very sentimental but this isn't me I'M NOT MYSELF! i don't over react to little things like that and i know it's the medicine kicking in, but i have had it and i hate taking it with fear that i will once again go through depression.
But this has become my normal routine i wake up happy giving thanks to the lord for yet allowing me another day in this world, but it all goes down hill from there. I have never been as scared as i am now, its a constant battle against myself. I keep asking myself questions why me? Why this? Aren't I to young? At my age Shouldn't i be getting drunk and passing out at clubs, then waking up with a huge hangover ready to do it again? (No I'm kidding i don't ask myself that one lol) Anyways you get the picture!
Don't get me wrong i know I'm not the first nor the last to get hbp but i just wish i knew how they handle
it how do they go day after day taking care of themselves without fear of getting a stroke and dying in the middle of the night! I mean i keep thinking about it and i know i only make it worse on myself but I'm just
terrified of this. I can't seem to let it go, i can't seem to accept it and say "My name is Karla Sorto and i have high blood pressure" how does one do that?
If i get even a little bit of pain on my leg, neck, arm, finger etc... i get so worried and scared, It's some-what hard to describe this constant fear but i am trying really hard to focus on getting better. I am truly working on myself. For almost 2 months i haven't had soda, coffee, candy or any type of Junk food in my system and i truly do feel a sense of accomplishment! I have been exercising daily and it feels good but this little headache that i keep getting is annoying me like crazy. On Saturday it will seriously be 2 weeks of dealing with this headache its not completely bad but it annoys me. No matter what i do it has a way of creeping on me and letting its presence known, whether its at the top of my head, right or left side, neck, forehead, tip of the nose its there and its time to leave.
I am some what relaxed that they did a Cat-Scan on my head and found nothing so i hope its just all the stress and anxiety that I'm going through that has given birth to this annoying headache!
I will for sure see my doctor as soon as possible to see if i can change the medication to something more suitable for my condition. For now i will continue to take the pill and pray for the best.
Thank you for caring and taking time to read about my feelings these days!
dude, those medz sound like a nightmare! you should def. talk to your doc and see about something else you could take. Unfortunately, depression is a very common side effect for many different medications. When i was taking Accutane (for my acne) i too struggled with spouts of depression :-/ i dunno, sometimes there just isn't much you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteOh about the headaches, have you tried drinking water? i get little annoying head aches a lot too and then i realize it's because i barely had any water that day, but once you drink the water it's too late cuz you gotta start drinking it from the beginning of the day. I'm not sure if you're like me and hate drinking water but if you are, i can't stress this enough, you NEEEED to start drinking lots of water every day, it can make allll the difference!
Anyway, you know i love you, gurrl. stay fierce, we know you can get through this. What would Lady Gaga do?? ;-)
ha ha ha thanks! Yeah i will talk to my doc as soon as possible and your right maybe im really dehydrated i think i have been since i had bronchitis and now (Water's my main juice) lol I hadn't thought of that but i think your very right and im going to drink way more water than usual! Thanks!!!
ReplyDeletep.s
I'm so glad your reading my post!